Tony Soprano Becomes Enthralled With the Big Bang Theory

It started with the biggest ba-da-bing ba-da-boom

I dunno. Fourteen billion years ago.

Everything. Your mudder. Your father.

Your house. The Earth. Mars.

The whole fricken universe, for crissakes.

All of it was packed, worse than sardines

Into, what?, I dunno? A little speck or something.

Then it was like I told you:

Ba-da-bing ba-da boom.

Nuthin at first. No light. Just dark.

Well, there was this gas,

All this hydrogen and helium and whatnot.

So here and there, it starts getting all compact

Seem like it shoulda just floated away or something

But, you know, gravity.

And all this gas starts squeezing together

Into the first stars and galaxies, ever

I dunno. Thirteen fricken billion years ago.

Vavoom! The lights go on. Just like that.

It’s the fusion thing.

Then these mudder stars start whacking themselves.

They burn up all their gas

And then collapse, big time.

With their own little ba-da-bings ba-da-booms.

It’s messy business. Stars dying.

All this carbon and oxygen and whatnot

Spraying out all the hell over the place

Like a shot to the head, without the duct tape.

If you know what I mean.

And from that mess? New stars.

Goes around like that.

The sun. It showed up, I dunno:

Five billion years ago.

Then the Earth. Then Life. Us.

The whole fricken show.

Yeah, all from that first ba-da-bing ba-da-boom.

Just makes you wonder. You know.

©Ivan Amato

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